Monday, November 30, 2009

A real reason to hate The Friend Zone

You know, besides it being generally sucky for whoever's stuck in it. A friend of mine who shall remain anonymous wrote this and i'm sharing it not because i agree wholeheartedly with it, but because although i am familiar with the concept of The Friend Zone, just as i'm sure all of you are as well, i'd never considered this before. My friend would like to note that this was written from discussions with their female friends, not experience or large, detailed research. I'm reminded of a somewhat-related XKCD.

TL;DR: Skip to the last paragraph.

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Although I knew this in the past, it was truly solidified for me today. While I have long heard of "The Friend Zone," a proverbial place a man finds himself in after befriending a lady, I did not truly believe that real, decent womenfolk participated in this kind of -- friendly castration. Essentially, it works like this. You are a nice guy, perhaps a bit low on confidence, and you meet someone. A girl, in fact. She's quite pretty, but you didn't notice that -- the first thing you truly noticed about her was that she was talking about XKCD. Math. Your favorite band. Really, whatever floats your boat. Love at first... overheard conversation? Yes. Anyhow, you summon up your courage and approach her. You understand her. She understands you. Before long, you're confiding in each other, letting each other in on your deepest secrets... you realize that whenever you think about her, your heart skips a beat... you go out of your way to run into her... and when you look into your heart, you realize that truly, this must be love.
The problem here is that by waiting long enough after meeting her to truly fall in love with her... you have sealed your fate. By initiating your interaction with the thought of friendship rather than the subtext of seduction, you've forever locked yourself in a part of her heart known as... the Friend Zone. The Friend Zone is a place that is all well and good, if you really just want to be friends. However, once in, you can't back out. The closer you become to her, paradoxically, the less room you have to maneuver the relationship into something Bigger.
Recently, after having a philosophical conversation with a certain female confidante who I believed to be, well, rather sane, I discovered that she too suffers from this strange disorder. I started realizing that every female friend I had was one less fish in the sea -- one more person I could never hope to date. By being the man that I am, I've found myself the subject of the adoration of many people I might, at some point, be interested in dating. But, alas, this adoration is the wrong kind... I have become, perhaps not "just" a friend, as that would dilute the value of friendship, but, well, solely a friend. No longer am I a "man," possessed of the equipment and accessories that make me a suitable suitor, but some sort of psychological eunuch. A creature not quite capable of sex. Not a man, but a sexless companion.
I truly do not understand how the female mind can possibly justify this. It encourages the kind of behavior that women claim to despise -- approaching them with the intent to get to know them better, but only in the biblical sense. If a man truly wants to get to know a woman for who she is -- there is no chance for him. He shall be a Friend, nothing more. If in the course of friendship, he realizes that he has met someone he finds truly special, it's too late. The very fact that he's discovered who she is, at her core, makes him unsuitable. In my experience, getting to discover a personality can only make me feel more strongly -- however, in the fairer sex, this process works backwards. It goes beyond rational desire to maintain a friendship without complications. If it were only that, the feelings would still be there. But it is beyond that -- not only is there no logical desire for a relationship, there is no capacity for romantic love when companionate love already exists. The sum is not commutative -- in order for a man to be successful, he has to enter a situation first with his penis, then with his heart.
What. The. Fuck?
Posted at 11/30/2009 01:39:00 AM
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27 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.
    ReplyDelete
  2. The Friend Zone as many people know it is not something that really exists. You can very well become friends with a chick and then get into a romantic relationship with her much later, but only if she would want a romantic relationship with you even if she didn't know you.

    The problem with people who claim that they are stuck in The Friend Zone is that they're the type of people who do not have the confidence to try to initiate a romantic relationship with someone who they don't build up months or years of friendly comfort with, which is definitely not a lot of confidence, and this is easily detected by women and people in general if only in their subconscious.

    The first step to getting past this is to stop lying to yourself and saying that you were hanging out with this one chick 10x more than with any of your guy friends, constantly helping her and buying her stuff simply because she's such an awesome friend. You are very, very likely doing this because from the very beginning you considered this person as a prospective mate and hoped that caring for her like this would make her want to fuck you. Stop blaming women for not wanting to have sex with a pussy.
    ReplyDelete
  3. An addendum for clarification: The Friend Zone doesn't really exist and it's all about man's lack of self-confidence because if he were able to get laid -at all- he wouldn't even be thinking of complaining that his 'friends' don't want to fuck him.
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  4. Allow me to emphasize how much of a bullshit thing it is that this guy is claiming that her female friend is in fact -insane- because she is acting according to her biological processes just like every other being in the world including him, and that you and probably many other horny losers agree with him.
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  5. The "Friend Zone" is your friend's excuse not to risk the existing friendship as a gamble for something more. As long as he is her "friend" then at least he can still be around her, and he justifies that that is enough. Frankly, he needs to get his mind out of high school and make a move before someone else does.
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  6. Skofo and Michael, I'm assuming you're both guys -- Skofo, because your profile has a broken link to a blog called "Steel Cock," and Michael, because, well, your name is Michael. The thing is -- this post wasn't written by someone stuck in the friend zone. It's an exploration of the logic of the friend zone, based on discussions with a few girls who say that, yes, the friend zone is real for them. The comment about "insanity" was, well, tongue-in-cheek, referring to my inability to understand the logic behind the (very real) friend zone.

    I am not claiming that the friend zone is ubiquitous -- just that it's common, and that it seems quite foreign to me, while making sense to many women.
    ReplyDelete
  7. The friend zone does and does not exist. Yes, it does in that there is a point where it becomes hard to enter a relationship with a close friend who you are interested in because of various factors whatever they may be. It does not exist in that it is not as though you can enter it and never get out. There are ways out. It also does not in that its not a fixed "zone". Its a concept used to describe the time when after which it would be awkward to ask a female friend out, not a literal zone that functions as some sort of black hole of manhood.
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  8. your post is kind of sexist. women´s biological drives are no more insane or irrational than men´s. Yes, maybe it is not altogether the most logical thing to do to separate romantic and compassionate feelings. But dont men do the same? How many times have I heard about a guy that sleeps with a woman and after sleeping with her, has no capacity for compassion? Isnt that a separation of romantic and compassionate love? How many men do I know that are capable of faking entire relationships just for nookie. Isn´t that a separation of romantic and compassionate love? What about guys with weird madonna whore complexes that can only sleep with women they dont have an attachment to? Dont kid yourself, everyone is irrational, women are not idiots just because they dont do what is convenient for you. You might be able to convince them to think with their heads and not with their &/(&(&, but you wont be able to do it by insulting their logic.
    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm a lady, and here's my take on the friend zone: Nothing is set in stone. Nothing. Sometimes "friend-zoning" is a way of asking for space or letting a woman sort out some confusion before screwing with a perfectly good guy. I prefer to get to know a guy before deciding if I really like him, or just find him attractive, because I've gone out with some real attractive losers. The only guys I've had satisfying and long-term relationships with have been friends first - for two or three years before going out, in fact. And I have managed to be friends with quite a few of them afterward, although it took a few months before either of us was ready to approach the other as simply a friend. My advice to the guys: Put your feelings out there, and then drop the subject. Let it brew in her head for awhile. Women are just as confused as men sometimes. She might date a few other people and then decide to date you ... or not. Focus on loving your life and not worrying about getting a girlfriend or getting married by a certain age, because we smell it on you, for real, and it's creepy! Keep being your awesome selves, self-reflect and improve on yourselves to be the people you'd like to be, and it's likely that someone awesome will notice you too.
    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I see. Wait around and "self-improve"(make more money), while the woman we made a mistake in loving, runs around spread eagle and "thinks things over"(fuck everyone who even resembles alpha). Hopefully after she's done "dating" and "soul searching", maybe she'll settle for the guy who's running around being his "awesome self"( alone and available).
      Delete
  10. The last paragraph of this post it is PURE GENIUS. Truth itself. Bravo.
    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  13. Nice, and thanks for sharing this info with us.
    Good Luck! The only people who have had satisfying relationships and long-term friends have been the first - for two or three years before leaving, in fact. And I have gotten to be friends with a number of them later, although it took several months before any of us were prepared to approach the other as just a friend.
    ReplyDelete
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  16. i agree wholeheartedly with it, but because although i am familiar with the concept of The Friend Zone, just as i'm sure all of you are as well, i'd never considered this before. My friend would like to note that this was written from discussions with their female friends, not experience or large, detailed research. I'm reminded of a somewhat-related XKCD.

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  17. ut it is beyond that -- not only is there no logical desire for a relationship, there is no capacity for romantic love when companionate love already exists. The sum is not commutative -- in order for a man to be successful, he has to enter a situation first with his penis, then with his heart.

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